Observations from the Balcony – Themes affecting clients potential this week.

In focus this week:

1. Relational Intelligence breeds Collaboration and Success –

It seems that Mercury in retrograde has been playing havoc on people and their ability to regulate themselves and communicate effectively in recent weeks. People are out of sorts, getting triggered and embroiled in all kinds of drama and conflict and the working environment suffers the contagion of emotions running high. Relational quality suffers, distrust and incoherence are the order of the day and performance diminishes as each person protects and defends their turf.

Now it is really hard to be in good relationship with others when you are struggling to be in good relationship with yourself. Stress and anxiety amplify the level of disconnect and decrease our ability to be conscious and attuned to our own experience. The skills necessary for Relational Intelligence are linked directly to levels of Emotional Intelligence. The ability to be aware of and own our experience moment to moment and with that awareness, be able to self-regulate so as not to be reactive, but instead consciously choosing a response seems to be a super power few can claim in today’s challenging landscape. You see, when we can regulate ourselves, we open up spaces to help others co-regulate beyond the reactivity and build coherence in a highly collaborative environment.

2. Symptoms of poor Relational Quality – These manifest on one end of the spectrum, in people avoiding and accommodating what needs to be challenged, and they go with the flow but are not committed or bought into the plans. On the other end of the spectrum folks are competing or compromising where its either about the loudest and most assertive voice winning or a sub-optimal compromise where everyone feels like they have given up something important to the outcome in pursuit of just getting it done. There are people playing victim, rescuer or persecutor oblivious to how their role is contributing negatively to the desired outcome while maintaining enough drama to be eroding energy levels and therefore productivity. At the end of the day, it is the quality of relationships that either fosters an environment of exceptional quality and delivery or one in which people are merely playing games with each other and delivery suffers.

The truth is that we only see one another’s behaviour, we are not necessarily privy to the thoughts and feelings driving the behaviour and so a bit of curiosity goes a long way in deepening our understanding of one another and helping each other to level up.

So, what can be done?

1. At the earliest sign of wheel spinning, tackle the relational issues directly from a place of high care for people and deliverables.
2. Practice becoming deeply attuned to your physical, emotional, and mental experience throughout the day. Notice tension in the body, your mood and how thoughts affect your behaviour. This practice alone will allow you to self-regulate and so be able to help others co-regulate.
3. Become curious about the behaviour you witness and offer a sounding board to your friends and colleagues to help deal blind spots that may be impeding their success.
4. If you are triggered, which can happen, practice pausing before you engage. Just by pausing, you offer yourself the opportunity to come back from the Amygdala hijack and re-engage your pre-frontal cortex which will offer you choice of response in place of a reaction you may regret.

If you are serious about shifting the quality of your relationship with yourself and others and you recognise that something within you has to change, get hold of me at [email protected] or book a free session at www.thepotentialityco.com/meetings/ . I am ready to help you discover who you are capable of being.