The Worthiness Project

Proving our WORTH is so last SEASON

“Worthiness is defined as being good enough and deserving of attention.”

I am not an academic but I have been both a conscious and unconscious observer of life and have always had an innate curiosity where humanity or the lack thereof is concerned. Growing up in a South African context in what from the outside looked like a normal, idyllic, white, middle-affluent family with all of the privileges offered by a conscious system of discrimination, called Apartheid, where a minority group imposed a hierarchy of worthiness based on race; it would be easy to think that worthiness could not possibly be an issue for a white woman growing up in these circumstances. How is it that worthiness can be a challenge in this context?

Reflecting on the course of my life, I have become increasingly curious about how I have become who I am; but beyond me, I am deeply troubled and curious about the damage done by the conscious system of Apartheid, and it’s systemic breakdown of the African majority in this country. Living in the awareness of my own privilege in the country context I found myself in, as well as the familial and educational environment in which I was shaped. A context with a strong racist flavor, alcoholism, fear, anxiety, anger and chaos; were the prevailing conditions. Love was conditional on not upsetting the apple cart, and so the programming to be in the background, quietly taking care of everyone else’s needs and being a good girl took shape; so as not to create further disruption to an already fractious, volatile and delicate atmosphere. All of this in the prevailing privilege of the time. The impact of growing up in this context, had me conforming to social norms in an effort to fit in wherever I found myself. In this conformity, I lost my fundamental sense of self and my self-worth, as well as my ability to truly connect with myself and others which rendered relationships difficult. All the while living the interior narrative of the rebel and non-conformist without the confidence to bring it into the world.

In witnessing and reflecting on my own unconscious reactions and responses to the various systems offering up programmes to load and live in accordance with if I was to be “successful”; my intrigue at what is required to unlock worthiness and ultimately the fullness of potential for the people of South Africa has been triggered. In this, lies the discovery that will form the basis of my book – The Worthiness Project – Proving our Worth is so last Season.

It is a curious thing how books are borne out of humanities greatest life lessons. The authors having endured what I call crimes of unconscious systems; whether familial, educational, community or country; our shaping as human beings is challenged on many fronts.  The experiences that take us to the edges where we choose to either shrink away from our potential growth out of the fears downloaded in our programming or we take the giant leap forward towards the next fantastic growth edge, knowing that we are worthy, and that becoming the best version of ourselves is the actual goal. The liberation associated with the realisation, at the ripe old age of 47, that I no longer need to prove my own worth has been the catalyst to write about the issue of worthiness and how having to prove it all the time is the most futile exercise to be taking part in.

The bottom line is that we are never going to make everyone happy all of the time, and so the focus needs to shift to what gives us joy, meaning and fulfillment. If we can all just focus on bringing the very best of ourselves and be excellent, then I hold much hope for humanity.